New Year's Resolutions: (nu yirs rez-e-lu-shens) n. A to-do list for the first week of January.
Okay, so you won't find that definition in Webster's, but it's true just the same. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. It's almost like by calling something a "New Year's Resolution", I'm dooming it to absolute failure.
And I don't like failures. I prefer denial.
So I made a list of "resolutions" this year that cannot possibly be achieved. That way, I get all of my failures out of the way early and get on with 2011.
1. Start my own country called Amanada.
2. Get drafted into the WNBA
3. Win the Quiet Game.
4. Give up Goodfeel (my security blanket).
5. Start referring to "Coke" as "pop".
6. Sleep until noon.
7. Let my hair go natural.
8. Stop procrastinating.
9. Quit drinking coffee.
10. Reduce my shoe collection to nothing but sneakers.