We took the kids to see The Smurf Movie over the weekend. It felt like a 1983 Saturday morning up in there. I wonder when the Monchichi movie is coming out?
As I watched The Smurf Movie, one thought kept popping into my head:
EXACTLY HOW MUCH CRACK WAS THE GUY SMOKING WHO CAME UP WITH THIS STUFF?
My guess is somewhere between a lot and a crap ton.
What I Learned By Watching The Smurf Movie:
- The word "smurf" can be used as a noun, a verb, an adjective or an adverb. (And people say that English is the most difficult language to learn.)
- There is one Papa Smurf who has 99 children: 98 boys and 1 girl. This is clearly a man who understands the value of saving money when paying for his kids' weddings.
- When the Smurfs drink magic potions made from mushrooms and herbs, they see visions... and then they want snacks. Ahem.
- In one scene, an air vent blows up Smurfette's dress in a very Marilyn Monroe fashion. The Smurfs are falling over themselves to get a peek and I'm all like, 'Dude! That's your sister!' At least now we know that the magical forest is located somewhere in the state of Alabama.
- The Smurfs use sophisticated artillery when going into battle: eggs and walnuts. Take that, Iraq.
- Papa Smurf is almost 500 years old. He's giving those Twilight kids a run for their money.
- Each Smurf's name is based on his one and only personality trait. It's unclear if the name establishes the personality or if it's the other way around, but nonetheless, Smurfs are one demensional: Brainy is smart. Clumsy is clumsy. (You catch my drift.) It made me wonder what I'd want my Smurf name to be. Right now it's a toss-up between Megan Fox Smurf and Carrie Underwood Smurf.
- The Smurfs said, "That's smurfed up" and "Smurf you" and "What the smurf" during the movie. I'm not linguist, but I can definitely fill in those blanks. Hopefully this smurfed right over both my children's heads.
I give this movie 1.5 stars. The storyline is flat and the jokes are redundant. Hollywood can call it "The Smurf Movie" but I'll call it "two hours of my life that I'll never get back".
And the worst part? Between tickets and concessions, we dropped over 60 bucks on this mediocre flick. Pfft. Smurf me.