I keep making bold statements on the web that I am forced to take back later. It's like the universe is out to make me look stupid. Like I need any help! Pfft. AS IF THE UNIVERSE EVEN READS MY BLOG.
In my post after Thanksgiving, I boasted that Drew was three-years-old and had never been sick. I laughed about how some secret government agency might force Brian and I to have hundreds of kids to create a supergenetic race. Oh, how funny it was on that day...
Well, guess who's laughing now? No, not me. It's the universe. The stupid, dumb universe.
Last night, I took Drew to the Urgent Care with strep, a double ear infection and a sinus infection. It's like his body was trying to slowly kill him from the forehead down. He was throwing up most of the night and I was doing everything I knew to break his 104 degree fever.
This morning, working on very little sleep, I poured EggBeaters into my coffee thinking it was cream and then I made a grammatical error on Facebook while complaining about it.
And if there's two things that I cannot stand, it's bad coffee and bad grammar.
So, just to bring you up to speed - since my braggy post about Drew being all superhuman 'n' stuff, this is what has happened:
3 trips to the Urgent Care
3 doctor office visits
Referral to Specialist
6 diagnosed illnesses
Vomit. Lots of vomit.
104 degree temperature
5 prescription medications
4 over-the-counter drugs
1 bottle of wine (that was for me)
See how dangerous it is to brag?
But I decided that two can play at this game.
Look, universe. If you're going to take statements that I make on my blog and then flip them around so that I look like a liar, that's cool. No, really. It's no problem.
I've just got a few things that I would like to get on the record, okay?
- I have never had a million dollars in my bank account.
- My legs have never looked like Carrie Underwood's.
- I have never had a closet the size of my living room.
- I have never been able to eat all the ice cream I want without gaining an ounce.
- My body looks nothing like Megan Fox's. I mean, really - like, nothing.
Did you get all that, universe? Great. Thanks.