Thursday, January 26, 2012

I had a tough day at work and my son looked like a hooker

Yesterday was a rough day and I felt overwhelmed.  I had so much to do that I wanted to hire a body double.

Actually, scratch that.   I didn't want another body like mine.  I wanted a body like Carrie Underwood's.  Can you rent one of those?  Well, you know, I mean - legally?

I left the office late.  I was worried that I wouldn't make it to the kids' schools before they charged me a late fee and/or called Social Services.  Dang!  If I get stuck behind a tractor, I'm screwed!  No joke.  That's actually happened before.  I don't work in what you would refer to as "the city". 

I rushed into Drew's school with ten minutes to spare and found him sitting on the floor, crying, and dressed like a hooker.  

Remember when schools actually cared about family values?  

I wanted to post a photo of Drew wearing this outfit, but I thought my husband might divorce me over it.  And I'm pretty sure that blogs stand up in a court of law.

This is what he was wearing:

Look at that boy with the daisy dukes on... I want you to... Look at that boy with the daisy dukes on... everybody

Oh, and those purple shorts are size 18 months, but Drew is a size 3T.  I literally saw butt cheek hanging out. 

So maybe my rough day didn't compare to Drew's rough day because he somehow managed to soil two outfits.  The school could have washed his clothes or they could have called me, but instead, they thought that dressing him like Charlie Sheen's girlfriend wasn't considered an emergency.

Sure - there was no medical emergency, but there was definitely a fashion emergency going on.          

I walked up to Drew and asked him why he was crying.  He said that Luke punched him in the eye with a train.  That's the preschool equivalent to rolled coins or brass knuckles!  That Luke kid is on the fast track to parole meetings and community service - you mark my words.

Of course, in Luke's defense, if a dude wears purple booty shorts to school, then he's probably going to get punched in the face.  I guess it's good that Drew learned that lesson early.  

Yo, Adriaaaaaaaan!  We did iiiiiiiit! 

Drew was dressed like a preschool hooker, which caused a hate crime right there between the nap mats and the finger paints.  Seriously.  It was a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.  Hillary Swank will probably be cast for the lead. 

Between my stressful day, Drew's stressful day, and Drew's stressful day making my day more stressful, I had a Michelob Ultra for dinner.  There.  I said it.  And luckily, it was only three points on Weight Watchers, which left me plenty of points for comfort foods at midnight.