Thursday, March 15, 2012

American Idol is Born Again

Nothing makes me feel older than when the American Idol contestants sing songs from their birth year.  And it's just insult to injury when one contestant brings a home video of him practicing for American Idol when he was in kindergarten.  Do you know why?  BECAUSE AMERICAN IDOL EXISTED WHEN HE WAS IN KINDERGARTEN.

When I was in kindergarten, Jimmy Carter was sworn in as President of the United States.  Camcorders weren't invented yet, so if we wanted video footage, we had to ask NBC to film it.  

Conversely, the year that Kelly Clarkson was crowned as the first American Idol, I didn't have the lead in Itsy Bitsy Spider: A Kindergarten Production.  Instead, I was rocking a baby to sleep.  So I "taped" American Idol.  On my VCR.

This is me in the first grade.
Can we just pretend that my Dad is standing nearby with the camcorder
and telling me that one day I will be on American Idol?  Please?

This year, the contestant with the kindergarten audition tape was Milli Vanilli (you might call him DeAndre).  I call him that not because of how he sings, but because of how he looks.  Besides, he sings way too bad to be lip-syncing.  Girl you know it's true.... true, true, true, true.

Shannon was born in 1995?   Seriously -  I've got sweaters older than her.  As she was falling out of her mother's birth canal, I was taking Advanced Calculus in college.  And back then, I was way too sophisticated to be listening to that lame, bubblegum pop song by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men.  Instead, I was listening to really edgy stuff like Pearl Jam.

Oh, and I wonder how long it will be before they start calling Shannon "the gentle giant" now that Jermaine is kicked off the show.  What is she, like, 6'7"?

Yes, last night, American Idol felt more like a walk down memory lane than a singing competition.

As HeeJun sang Right Here Waiting For You, suddenly I was walking through the halls of my high school.  As Hollie sang The Power of Love, suddenly I was listening to the radio waiting to add that song to my boyfriend's mix tape.  As Erica sang Heaven by Bryan Adams, suddenly I was getting my first real real six-string - bought it at the five and dime.  Oh, wait.  Different memory.  And I have no memory of Skyler's song, but I do have several memories of cruising around in my red Mitsubishi Eclipse to the Coolio song that Jimmy suggested.

During Jessica Swaggernaut's song Turn The Beat Around, the only percussion that she loved to hear was her finger beating her earpiece, which annoyed me almost as being old enough to be her mother.  And after hearing President Obama and Elise's sing-off, I think that Obama has a better chance to win American Idol than the General Election.

Things To Never Blog About: Religion and Politics.

But let's talk about my favorites of the night, shall we?  Like Colton.  I had no freaking clue what that song was, but because of that, I DID NOT FEEL OLD.  And Joshua's performance wasn't a performance at all.  It was a religious experience.  I wish you could've seen me going all Pentecostal in my living room.

Things To Never Blog About: Religion and Politics.

And Phillip Phillips sang... oh, who cares?  If I was 13 years old, I'd hang a Phillip Phillips' poster on my wall.  And at 36 years old, I'm still considering it.  I'm totally willing to look past all that dead bowel stuff.

Who were your favorites and how old did they make you feel?



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12 comments:

  1. I am on the verge of being old. Born in 1983 - I'll be 29 this year.
    When the "oldie" of the group came from the mid 80's...it was like a slap in the face. Also, my first slow dance played that Mariah Carey song :).

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    1. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a 1983 birth year. See. It's all about perspective. :)

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  2. Whoa! I remember your red Eclipse.

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    1. Gosh, I loved that thing. There is nothing like your first car!

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  3. I was just thinking the same thing about the Red Eclipse, Laura!

    Half the contestants were born after I graduated from high school. I mean, fur reel?

    Phillip Phillips - love him always. And, all God's people said, Joshua owned it last night! Hellllo. Can I get an Amen?

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  4. Gosh...my 1st brand new car {that I bought myself} was a black, 1996 Mitsubishi Eclipse. I knew we both had good taste! I LOVED that car and Wayne apparently did too! He thought I was "loaded" with my sporty little car and my own apartment while he was finishing up his senior year in college and eating Ramen Noodles. Man, we're OLD!! :)

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    1. We had the same prom dress, too! We do have good taste. ;)

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