Q. Can I be your fly girl?
A. Oh my gosh, YES. I'm accepting applications now. No dance experience is required, but you must be willing to humiliate yourself on the World Wide Web. You will call it "the one really embarrassing thing that I did" and I will call it "Tuesday".
Q. Would you ever do this dance in public?
A. Pfft. Is Madonna a material girl? OF COURSE I WOULD. I'm totally available for proms, weddings, birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, and Flash Mobs. I tweeted my dance to Ellen and Tosh and I'm sure that their people are on it. I'll keep you posted about my television appearance.
Q. How did you get to be so adorable? I could watch this video a hundred times!
A. Okay, Mom. I know that's you. It's cool. You can just text me next time.
Q. How did you remember all those dances?
A. The real question here is HOW COULD YOU FORGET THEM? Listen, people, if The Snake and The Sprinkler aren't part of our heritage, then I don't know what is.
Q. What would you have done differently?
A. Nothing. And that pretty much sums up everything you need to know about me.
Q. How did you keep a straight face?
A. The last time that I moved that much was during the Clinton Administration, so staying upright deserved an Honorable Mention. I wish that I could have pulled out my old cheer expressions from the attic, but I couldn't spare the oxygen for a laugh or a smile. I saved all that for later when the Advil finally kicked in.
Q. How did you get to be so brave?
A. I'm pretty sure that, in this case, "brave" translates to "Good grief, honey. Seriously? I would NEVER do something that embarrassing, but man! I am so glad that you did! hahahahahahhaha. Hey, Margaret!... Come over here! You've got to see this idiot on the internet!"
Q. Did you make up that entire dance?
A. I did, but I can't take too much credit for choreography because those songs choreograph themselves. I just came up with my own steps to a couple of songs like On The Floor and Pumped Up Kicks. As for my interpretation of Yeah! - well, I have my clubbing days to thank for that one. Cosmopolitans and sleep deprivation, I couldn't have done it without you.
Q. How did you pick your songs?
A. I Googled a list of the Top 100 songs from each decade. I picked the ones that stood out to me, and then the songs without the most obvious dances ended up on the cutting room floor. Which in this example, means beneath my breakfast table in the kitchen.
Q. What was the hardest part of the dance?
A. Memorizing the song order! It felt like that test in 5th grade when I had to memorize all the state capitals. I think I only made an 85 on it, sooooo, you know. Due to technical difficulties, I did the dance 15 TIMES in a row as a warm up, so memorizing the playlist took care of itself. I should make a video showing the deterioration of my curled hair and perfect makeup. What a waste of lip gloss!
Q. Why are you wearing a sweater and jeans?
A. That was for your benefit - not mine. I was sweating like Lady Gaga trying to buy an outfit at The Gap. I would have really appreciated a pair of soffe shorts and a tank top, BUTT you would have seen more rolls than just my tootsie. So... you're welcome.
Q. Where did you film it?
A. My formal living room. Brian moved all the furniture into the hallway - except for the loveseat - which was shoved against the front door. Bailey said that she wanted to keep it there because it made her feel safe. We considered it - you know - because it would save our guests a few steps when I said, "Come on in, y'all, and have a seat."
And since this is as close to an Oscar acceptance speech as I'm ever going to get, I would like to thank my husband for helping me with my dumb ideas and time-consuming projects. I hit the jackpot when I found this guy!
So I hope this answers a few of your questions. If not, just email me. I can talk Debbie Gibson and MC Hammer ALL DAY LONG, Y'ALL.
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| Here's a pic of me from my wedding reception in 2007. Now that's Klassy... with a K. |
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