Thursday, March 21, 2013

What do softball and Vanilla Ice have in common?

On this episode of How I Embarrass My Children, I would like to take you on a little trip to my daughter's softball game.

And by the way, I'm so glad you're here! Usually it's just me sitting by myself on an uncomfortable bleacher and freezing my butt off while browsing through Facebook on my iPhone. Hanging out with you will be great! But hey, would you mind picking up Starbucks on the way? It can get a little chilly out here and the ball park coffee sucks.

Picture it: The brisk, spring wind blowing through your hair... the smell of honeysuckle vines in the distance... dirt all over your new Ugg boots (ugg!)... a belly full of grilled hot dogs and dill pickles... the sound of a bat cracking against a ball or the umpire yelling "striiiiiiiike"...

And me, singing Ice Ice Baby at the top of my lungs. 

You know the awkwardness you felt when you read that, like, "Oh my gosh, really? Is she seriously going to do that? I mean, who does that? How embarrassing. Nevermind, I'm never sitting with you at the ball park, ever. And get your own freakin' Starbucks!"

Now, close your eyes and imagine being my daughter. Ahem.

Bless her little heart. But certain things, I just can't help. They're involuntary for me like breathing or blinking.

Bailey is on a new team this year called EXTREME. The uniforms came in today. Aren't they great?

Trivia Question: When you hear the word "extreme", do you immediately start singing, "To the extreme, I rock the mic like a vandal. Light up the stage like a chump with a candle. Dance!..."? Yes or no?

If you answered "no", then congratulations! You are a normal person. You don't blurt out cheesy song lyrics at inappropriate times. You probably make your daughter very proud.

If you answered "yes", then welcome to the club! At our next meeting, we'll be singing "Whomp! There It Is" at a baby shower and "You Can't Touch This" at a Bar Mitzvah. And then our daughters will be so humiliated, they'll post pics like this to Instagram.

An actual photo from Bailey's Instagram account. 

The only thing that could make this any better is having t-shirts made with "Ice Ice Bailey" on them. Then I can walk around doing my best Vanilla Ice impression singing, "Ice Ice Bailey (da, dada, da, dada da dum), Ice Ice Bailey (da, dada, da, dada da dum)" That's daughter humilation GOLD right there.

Word to your mother.


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