Saturday, October 8, 2011

A Letter To Ariel

How can little kids watch the same movie over and over?  And over and over.  And over and over.  And over and... oh, you get the point.

Avatar?  Good movie, but I've seen it once. Wedding Crashers?  Very entertaining, but I've seen it once.  ET?  A classic movie that I've seen once.  

When Bailey was little, she went through an Elmo phase.  So much so that I started talking in the third person: "Mommy is sleepy."  "Mommy thinks that wasn't very nice."  "Mommy needs HER bottle now."

Then Bailey started watching the Teletubbies.  They creeped me the *bleep* out!  Not to mention, you can't understand a word that they are saying.  That's like me watching an old Bruce Lee film without the poorly edited voiceovers.  Bailey always seemed to understand what they were talking about, though.  And that creeped me the *bleep* out!     


So when Drew was born, neither Elmo nor the Teletubbies were allowed within fifty feet of my house.  If you don't believe me, you can check the restraining order.  It's public record.  

Drew discovered Nemo.  Such a cute little gimpy-finned fish!  And it's a pretty good movie the first ten-thousand times that you watch it.  I grew so desperate to break Drew from his daily Nemo habit that I even considered serving clown fish for dinner.

Now Drew is in love with a pretty little mermaid named Ariel.  We've had the 1989 Disney flick in the SUV DVD (LOL, BRB, TTYL, LYLAS - I could solely speak in acronyms if you double-dog dare me. What? A triple-dog dare?  Oh, it's on!) player for months now.  

And Drew is actually watching the 1989 graphics, too.  No digitally enhanced, re-released, Special Edition, Blu-Ray for him.  No, sir!  I think it's important for kids these days to understand how rough we had it when we were younger.

So anytime we travel anywhere, the songs of Britney Spears and Bruno Mars are completely drowned out by the songs of Ursula and Sebastian.  I don't even bother turning on the radio anymore.  I just patiently wait for Under The Sea or Kiss The Girl so that I can sing along to something.

Since I've practically earned my Ph.D. in Merfolk Studies, I have a suggestion for Ariel:     

Dear Ariel, 
You entered into a legal and binding contract with Ursula, the Sea Witch, where you exchanged your voice for human legs.  If you can get Prince Eric to kiss you within three days, the legs are yours to keep, but if not, you will be a prisoner in Ursula's underwater cave forever. 
I see your conundrum: If you could just find a way to just let Eric know who you are.... that you are the girl who saved him from the stormy seas.... that you are the one who he feel in love with after hearing your beautiful voice....
But how can you let him know without talking?  How could he ever understand that it's you- the beautiful songstress that he has been searching for?
Well, since you were able to read Ursula's contract and sign your name to accept the terms (nice penmanship, by the way), I assume that you can read and write.  
That would keep your Dad from having to get involved and would shave forty-two minutes off your movie.  Everybody gets a victory lap here.
Your Biggest Fan's Mama

Ariel's all like, "DAAAANG!  Why didn't I think of that?!"