Thursday, January 19, 2012

I like big butts and I cannot lie

I like to drive until my gas tank is as close to empty as you can get without having to Fred Flintstone it to the gas station.  It's a fun game to play.  One that will probably require my husband to take Xanex at some point in his life.  

I was driving on fumes when I pulled into the Chevron today.  YAY.  I win!  And since it was going to take 47 minutes and my life savings to fill up my SUV (Okay.  That's an exaggeration.  It only took 28 minutes and my daughter's college fund), I decided to take the opportunity to throw away some trash from the back seats.

One thing is certain: My kids view this car as their personal trash dump!  

This lollipop was pretty good, so I'll save the rest of it right here in Mom's cupholder.  
If I leave a crayon on the seat in January, could it still melt?  Hmmm.  Let's find out.
I haven't seen my lunchbox since last Thursday and....  Hey. What's that smell? 

The upside is that my car would guarantee a victory if we were ever competing in a scavenger hunt.

I am constantly carrying piles of crap out of my car and it's super annoying, but I'm not bitter about it or anything.  HEY.  What do I look like?  A cleaning service or your mother?  And if you say 'both', then you and last Thursday's lunch can walk to school!

While cleaning out the car today, I leaned in to reach all the trash without having to walk around.  It's very important that I burn as few calories as possible.  It's kind of a personal goal of mine.

As I pulled myself out of the car, butt first, I heard the beeps that a bus makes when it's backing up.  SERIOUSLY?  And just when I thought my self esteem couldn't get any lower.

I have absolutely no need for these chairs.  

I've got two theories: 

1) The Direct TV van beside me made that beeping noise instead of my fanny.  Do vans even make that sound?  Please say they do.  Please say they do.

2) The weight loss gods are trying to tell me that I should actually walk around the car and burn the eight calories.  And then I should try doing cardio for the next 72 hours.

Doesn't the first one just sound better, though?  Besides, it's never cool to be a #2.