Friday, February 17, 2012

Romance Lives (Even After Kids)

Disclaimer:  YOU CANNOT READ THIS POST if you are my parents, family, close friends, neighbors, acquaintances, if you taught me in kindergarten, if you are my pastor, if you go to church with me, if you go to church anywhere, if you have taught my children, if you will teach my children, if you know my children, if you are my doctor, dentist, mailman, and especially my florist.  Basically - if there is any chance that I might bump into you at Target - STOP READING NOW.

Okay.  For the two of you who are left....

I knew that I had to pick up Bailey on Valentine's night, so our family celebrated on Sunday.  Translation: We went to Golden Corral to park ourselves beside that huge chocolate fountain.  Because nothing says "romance" like consuming 4,500 calories for $9.99 a person.

Holding true to my procrastinator reputation, I stopped by the mall ON VALENTINE'S DAY to buy gifts for my husband and children.  I'm not very romantic - I know.  Keep reading and you'll see that I'm basically the dude in this scenario.

I was scurrying around the mall about 7:30 pm, still trying to find the perfect gifts, which taught me a very valuable lesson.  And it's not the one that you think.  I'm still a procrastinator.

It taught me that after a certain time on Valentine's Day, you are no longer a "last minute shopper" and now you are a "lonely soul".

You obviously have nobody to watch that new Rachel McAdams movie with - so you're here, at the mall - drowning your sorrow in Michael Kors and Haagen Dazs.  TOTAL MEAT MARKET.  Every guy looked at me like I was available and every girl looked at me with sad eyes that silently said, Being alone on Valentine's Day sucks, doesn't it?  Facebook me and we'll chat about it.  

FYI: If you're still wasting your time in the club scene, forget it.  Wear your stilettos and short shirt to the mall at sundown on Valentine's Day.  You'll find a new honey in no time flat!

Thanks for being patient.  Here comes the good part.

Later, just before bed, Bailey went into my room looking for her lost shoes and shouted, "MAMA!  Brian decorated your bedroom and bathroom for Valentine's Day!"

Then I saw all the color disappear from Brian's face.  If Cupid and Casper had a love child, at that moment, it looked exactly like my husband.

I walked in and saw the most amazing surprise!  Rose pedals were scattered all across the floor.  Chocolate covered strawberries were displayed in a heart-shaped container on the bedside table.  There were at least 40 lit candles providing the only light in the room.  New bubble bath was carefully placed beside the whirlpool tub.  There were gifts and a sweet card.  It was beautiful!



But, uh, not meant for children to see.  Ahem.  Or you - if you know me.  DO YOU KNOW ME?  ARE YOU BREAKING THE RULES?  If so, don't be shocked if I walk the other way when I see you at Target.

Embarrassing, huh?  But don't worry.  It gets worse.  Then Bailey said, "Hey, Mama!  There's a video camera in here!  Are you making a movie?"

Now before you start whispering,  Pfft.  I never took her for that type of girl,  PLEASE LET ME CLEAR SOMETHING UP.

You know how my "Momday Mornings Vlog" tab has said "Coming Soon" since I started my blog?  Well, it's actually coming soon!  Over the weekend, I filmed my friend Laura talking about pregnancy and whatnot in my room so that we could use the green backdrop.  ASK HER.  She'll back me up.  And it's not just because I threatened her life is she didn't.  I just hadn't gotten around to putting up the camera yet.

Can you imagine Bailey telling her friends and teacher all about our "Valentine's decorations" and "movie making"?  We'll probably be forced to change schools.

And think about poor Bay.  There's going to be a moment in the future when she puts everything together.  She'll be all like, "HEY.  I remember one Valentine's Day when my..... Huh?  EWWWWWWWW!"

Bless her heart.

So click on the link below if you'd like to donate to Bailey's therapy fund.  Because you know that she's going to need therapy.  And a lot of it.



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4 comments:

  1. I about fell out in my chair LOLing!!! This is awesome.

    ReplyDelete