Q. How did you come up with the idea to dance walk?
A. That's the beauty of it - I didn't! My friend Kelley posted this video on my Facebook page, and suddenly, I felt like I was home. I wanted to make my own video and add an important element that was neglectfully omitted from the original version: embarrassing your children.
Q. You said that this video was your Plan B. Exactly how over-the-top was your original idea?
A. Oh, it was nothing much. I was just going to write and record a song about blogging and then make my own music video complete with fly girls. It probably would've taken me 1 or 2 or 600 hours to make.
Q. If you threw it together, where did you get all those costumes?
A. You call it "costumes". I call it "stuff I had lying around the house". BOOM.
Q. Were you embarrassed making this video?
A. I know this comes as a total shock, but I wasn't embarrassed at all. And it's not just because I was dropped on my head as a baby and damaged the part of my brain that controls embarrassment. It was because nobody cared! I think we are all so accustomed to seeing people do stupid things to upload to Facebook or Twitter, so nobody even flinched when they saw me acting afool.
Do you know what this means? Broom guitar slides in Walmart EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Q. But what about the ladies in Great Clips? They noticed you, right?
A. Wow. Nice detective skills! One stylist hesitantly asked, "So... why are you doing this again?". Then she gave me the same stink-eye that you would give a pedophile at the playground.
So I did what anybody would do in that situation... I lied.
"I'm filming this for a contest to see who can dance in the most public places."
"What do you get if you win?"
(Crap. You mean I have to come up with another lie?)
"Oh, there's no actual prize for winning. It's just about the gloat of victory."
In this example, "okaaaaay" translates to "Has anybody informed social services that these children might be in danger? This lady is a nut!"
Q. Was there any music playing while you were dancing?
A. Unfortunately, no, and that's what made me look even more crazy. And not to mention, it was hard to dance without the help of an actual song. When I said "the music is only playing in your head", I meant that literally.
Here's an example of some unedited footage. See? Awkward.
Q. What did you learn from making this video?
A. My milkshake brings all the boys to Dairy Queen.
Q. Oh, that was a Dairy Queen? But it looked like some kind of hut.
A. See, in the large metropolitan city in which I live, we don't have a real Dairy Queen that has four walls, air conditioning and a place to sit down. Our Dairy Queen is like a hut and it only serves ice cream. I think I was 16-years-old before I knew that you could get a hamburger at Dairy Queen.
Q. Did your husband film this? He must really love you.
A. Yes he did and yes he does! And I mean really, REALLY love me. While we were in the grocery store, he smiled and said, "You know, I'm never bored when I'm around you." You gotta love a man who beams after watching his wife do the Roger Rabbit down the bread aisle.
I have to give him BIG PROPS because not only did he lend his cinematography skills and tell me that I was "cute" for humiliating our family all over town, but he also made creative contributions. If you liked the ice cream, the school, and the liquor store scenes, Brian says, "you're welcome."
Q. Why does the footage get so jumpy during the costume scenes?
A. My 10-year-old daughter filmed that part. This was either because I wanted to educate her on fashion history or because Brian needed to get the chicken on the grill for dinner or both. Bless her heart. But don't worry- if you order today, we're throwing in a month's supply of anti-nausea drugs absolutely free.
Q. Your daughter looked so embarrassed walking into school. What did she say about that?
A. She was just acting, y'all. Because if I had actually dance walked her into a school full of her peers, she would have disowned me faster than you can say "#bloggersdance"! Thank goodness it was summer.
But as for her general state of embarrassment, when we were filming the costume scenes, I said, "Imagine what the neighbors are thinking" and Bailey said, "EXACTLY." Ahem.
Bailey wasn't the only one embarrassed, though. Go have a look-see at that the beginning of the Starbucks part in the Dance Walking video. Did you notice that ADORABLE toddler in the red shirt who walked toward me at first, but then quickly decided to go in the opposite direction? That was my son. And you really can't teach a 3-year-old to act. He just knew that whatever ridiculousness was going on at the cream and sugar counter, he didn't want any part of it. My child has the gift, I tell ya.
Q. Can I dance walk with you sometime?
A. OMG. Absolutely! You bring the cool dance moves and I'll bring the Running Man.
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