"I'm saying that the pathology report shows the highest level of abnormality that the test will indicate. And the worst case scenario cause, of course, is cancer. We are doing a biopsy today to confirm those results. Paps can be wrong sometimes, but I want to prepare you for surgery."
She kept talking, explaining statistics and procedures. I was listening to her, but I lost my ability to hear the words. My body became weightless and my mind became clouded. My fingertips tingled, and that's the only thing that I remember feeling.
I left her office eerily calm, almost numb. Brian met me at the door, eager to hear that we had nothing to worry about. I told him what Dr. Ricks' said - "test results", "surgery", "cancer". My voice sounded completely different, like, I couldn't stand to say the words, so I let someone else do it for me.
We researched cervical cancer. As far as cancers go, it's a good one to have. It's slow growing and easily curable. But still, it's cancer. And cancer kills people.
Pfft, but I'm going to be just fine! WebMD said so. And on that day, I actually believed it.
But the next day was completely different. Fear made me irrational.
I didn't want to share my story publicly, even though I felt like I should. Just the thought of it made me feel nervous and exposed. I prayed about it and I bargained with God: 'What if I share it with my family? Or, how about my closest friends? Is that okay?'
But in my heart, I knew that I should reach farther, mostly because my story is different from the norm.
Emails started pouring in from women who shared their personal story with me, and many said that they made a preventive appointment after reading my blog.
If my experience helped just one person, it was worth it and then some.
So today, I don't feel nervous or exposed anymore. I feel honored and blessed. Thanks, God.
Please like this blog on Facebook to spread preventive awareness and cancer prevention. I might even post a funny e-card or two.