Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Insomnia Cures Insanity

When I make the mistake of going to bed too early, I am haunted by crazy dreams.  Remember kids: insomnia cures insanity. 

On last night's episode of Amandavision, I dreamed that we went to one of those sports bars where all the waitresses are dressed in scantily clad costumes.  We had Drew with us, but not Bailey.

Why I would take my toddler into a place like that?  It reminded me of Sweet Home Alabama: "Ohhhh.  You have a baby...  In a bar..."

In my dream, Drew and I were waiting on Brian to get the car when a trashy waitress ran up to me and said,

Would you tell Brian that I can't meet him at 6:30 on Monday like we planned because I have to finish my Christmas shopping?  I can meet him at 8 o'clock instead.
Ummm... why are you making plans to meet my husband?
Your husband??  Oh, sorry.  I just assumed that you were friends because he asked me out with you here.

This is what the little vixen looked like in my dream.  Don't you want to slap her?  Maybe it's just me. 

I was about to wring the peroxide out of her hair when Brian woke me up with a kiss.  His kiss tasted like varnish.

Don't kiss me.  I'm mad at you!
For what?
My dream.
What did I do in your dream?
You asked out a waitress dressed like a slutty referee RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.  And DREW!  Seriously?
Honey, you're cute.  I would never do that.  Well, at least not in front of you and Drew.  hahaha.
It's not funny!
I don't even go in places like that!  Remember when we'd been dating for a few weeks and you got upset because I had lunch with some guys at Hooter's?  From then on, when the guys would ask me to go, I would say, Sorry, guys!  I can't even look at the menu there... literally AND figuratively.

Train 'em early, ladies.  Train 'em early.

Have you ever gotten mad at somebody for a dream?  

I do it all the time. It's one of the many things that makes me awesome.

I'm going to bed early again tonight because Brian deserves a chance to make it up to me.  Hopefully I'll dream that he sweeps me away for a tropical vacation or buys me some shoes or something.

Slutty referees are not welcome.