When I make the mistake of going to bed too early, I am haunted by crazy dreams. Remember kids: insomnia cures insanity.
On last night's episode of Amandavision, I dreamed that we went to one of those sports bars where all the waitresses are dressed in scantily clad costumes. We had Drew with us, but not Bailey.
Why I would take my toddler into a place like that? It reminded me of Sweet Home Alabama: "Ohhhh. You have a baby... In a bar..."
In my dream, Drew and I were waiting on Brian to get the car when a trashy waitress ran up to me and said,
Would you tell Brian that I can't meet him at 6:30 on Monday like we planned because I have to finish my Christmas shopping? I can meet him at 8 o'clock instead.
Ummm... why are you making plans to meet my husband?
Your husband?? Oh, sorry. I just assumed that you were friends because he asked me out with you here.
|This is what the little vixen looked like in my dream. Don't you want to slap her? Maybe it's just me.|
I was about to wring the peroxide out of her hair when Brian woke me up with a kiss. His kiss tasted like varnish.
Don't kiss me. I'm mad at you!
What did I do in your dream?
You asked out a waitress dressed like a slutty referee RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. And DREW! Seriously?
Honey, you're cute. I would never do that. Well, at least not in front of you and Drew. hahaha.
It's not funny!
I don't even go in places like that! Remember when we'd been dating for a few weeks and you got upset because I had lunch with some guys at Hooter's? From then on, when the guys would ask me to go, I would say, Sorry, guys! I can't even look at the menu there... literally AND figuratively.
Train 'em early, ladies. Train 'em early.
Have you ever gotten mad at somebody for a dream?
I do it all the time. It's one of the many things that makes me awesome.
I'm going to bed early again tonight because Brian deserves a chance to make it up to me. Hopefully I'll dream that he sweeps me away for a tropical vacation or buys me some shoes or something.
Slutty referees are not welcome.