I think it started when I was 3-years-old. I would call Nana on the phone to play I Spy. If you are familiar with the game, you know that BOTH PEOPLE MUST BE IN THE SAME ROOM. Because it's kind of hard to guess what somebody is spying from 12 miles away. But Nana would play with me anyway - for hours and hours - and then tell me how smart I was for always winning.
This type of encouragement is probably what created the drama queen you know today.
One Christmas Eve, I whispered a secret into Santa's ear: I want a coconut cake as good as Nana's. But apparently, I stick to keeping secrets as well as I do diets, because at midnight, I told Mom. She called Nana who baked a coconut cake and delivered it to "Santa" at 2 AM.
I blame all my flaws on my perfect childhood. I wonder if Ellen is interested in my story?
Anyway, I spend a lot of time with Nana and we talk about grown-up things now like church gossip and American Idol. It's an amazing relationship.
A BFF feels comfortable doing or saying things that a typical friend might not do or say. For example, a friend will help you up when you fall down but a best friend will say, "Walk much?"
After my second helping of fried chicken, buttermilk biscuits and gravy for lunch today, Nana said:
I found an old newspaper photo of you from 2005, but you were fat. Were you fat in 2005?
No, actually in 2005, I was as thin as I've been in the past decade. I think weighed about 100 pounds back then.
Really? Because you look fat in this photo.
Then it wasn't from 2005.
Well, what years were you fat?
Hmmm. I was fat both years I had children and the year after that, so....
There have both more than that, right? I remember one year you were fat before you even had kids.
Yeah. That was the "freshman fifteen". I just waited until I graduated to gain it.
Weren't there other years, too?
Probably. But 2005 wasn't one of them.
I need to show you this picture. It looks like you, but you're way too heavy. If this was a picture of you from today, I could believe it, but I didn't think you were that big then.
She found the newspaper clipping and showed it to me. It was of Danica Patrick. You know - the professional race car driver?
|If she's fat, then I'm fatter.
Does anybody know how I can drop 20 pounds before I call Nana to play I Spy? She can totally see through the phone, you know.