Sunday, February 5, 2012

Super BEEP Funday

Today is the big game.  I'd be so excited if I actually gave a crap about football.

Did you know that the term "Super/ Word-After-Toilet/  Day-Before-Monday" is copyrighted and I have to pay the "N Letter-After-E L" (that one's copyrighted, too) if I use it in my blog.  Here's a list of other things that you are not allowed to write or say today.  I suggest that you memorize them now.  Because after that 10th beer, things might get kind of fuzzy.

No laws will be broken on my blog.  Probably.

I'm going to a Super BEEP party today, and I must admit that I'm a little nervous.  I won't know anybody there, and contrary to my HEY! LOOK AT ME! internet personea, I get nervous when I meet new people.  But after the first 30-seconds of awkwardness, I usually warm up and begin talking.  Pretty soon - they start throwing dollar bills into my guitar case just to get me to shut up.  How else do you think that I support my shoe habit?  

I'm also nervous because I don't know anything about football.  I don't understand the difference between a blitz, a safety and a pylon.  I barely know the difference between offense and defense.  It's like some sort of block that I have.  And speaking of "block", I'm sure that I could have made a hilarious football analogy IF I KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL.

So if you need to learn some Super BEEP trivia, look here.  Or, if you'd like to impress total strangers with information specific to tonight's rematch between Peyton's brother and that quarterback who dates all the supermodels, read this and dazzle them with your brilliance.

The one thing that I do not have to brush up on is the Super BEEP music.  Yay!  Something that I actually care about!  Kelly Clarkson is singing the national anthem trying to join the ranks of other greats like Whitney Houston and Beyonce.  And you know that Faith Hill bashing is like my part-time job, but I must admit that I loved her Super BEEP performance.  Luckily for Ms Clarkson, Christina Aguilera set the bar pretty low when she forgot the words and then had to explain herself on Ellen.

And who could forget the amazing halftime performances?   PrinceMichael JacksonThe BossDiana Ross - oh, and two words: Wardrobe Malfunction.  I love the halftime shows!  Do you U2?  I'm looking forward to hearing Madonna tonight as she sets the tone for Lady Gaga's next Madonna-ripoff radio single.

Super BEEP commercials rock.  Some memorable ones include Joe Namath and Farrah Fawcett's Noxzema commercialthe Coke ad featuring Mean Joe GreenCindy Crawford's Pepsi advertisement and WASSUUUUUUP from Budweiser.  I like to call the game "the 15-minutes that I have to wait between commercials".

Happy Super BEEP Funday!  Have a great time tonight and enjoy your sick day tomorrow.