My Grammy Recap

With the somber acknowledgement of Whitney Houston's death looming over the awards, LL Cool J - the show's host - began his dialogue with a very appropriate prayer.

By the way, does LL ever age?  GET OLD ALREADY. He must work out, like, 28 hours a day.

But before LL, the show began with an amazing performance from The Boss himself who shouted, 'Are you alive out there?'  Ouch.  You and I both know that he wasn't disrespecting Whitney Houston, but I wonder how many tweets were posted with the hashtag #toosoon.

Jennifer Hudson saved the day with her heartfelt tribute to Houston later in the show.

I love Adele!  Her sweeping the awards was the only highlight to the otherwise awkward evening.  I wonder how long it will take her ex-boyfriend to sue her for half of those Grammys.  And sometimes I forget just how British she really is.  I had to call in an interrupter for one of her acceptance speeches.

The duets were flat as usual: Rhianna & Coldplay, The Beach Boys with Maroon 5 & Foster the People, and Tony Bennett & Carrie Underwood.  Didn't get it, didn't like it, didn't watch it.  

During one of the duets, we saw our first technical difficulty of the evening.  In the battle between Kelly Clarkson's mic and Jason Aldean’s mic, Kelly's will win every time.

And Chris Brown's mic didn't work for his entire performance.  Ahem.

Hey, Grammys - I've got an idea - why don't you ask Chris "Beatdown" Brown to perform right before Rhianna.  That way, we can all be reminded of how he roughed her up before the Grammys a few years ago.

But the joke was on Brown who had to perform on a giant Q-Bert game while his dancers wore surgical masks and superhero capes.  Were those the doctors who fixed Rhianna's face?  If so, way to give back, Beatdown.

Marc Anthony was there with his new hottie girlfriend.  WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME HOW HE DOES IT?  Marc, forget selling your cologne at Kohl's.  Sell your mo-jo instead.

Kayne West won, but thankfully he wasn't there to do his usual ridiculous gloating.  Maybe he was scared that Taylor Swift would jump up on stage and say, IMA LET YOU FINISH, but Wiz Khalifa had the best video of all TIME!  It's bound to happen eventually.

Well done, Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters - thanks for reminding us that music doesn't need to be perfect and computer enhanced (cough, cough.  Chris Brown).  But then the Grammys cut off his inspirational rant with LMFAO?  Talk about a swift kick to the junk!  I bet those guys can't sing a lick.  In fact, has anybody even heard them speak?    

My sister asked me if Katy Perry had a body double, and I was all like, why would KATY PERRY need a body double?

In a related story, one time I told my husband that I didn't understand why everybody thought Katy Perry was so hot.  He spent the next 15 minutes explaining why "some men" think that.  Thanks, but, uh, I got it 14 minutes ago.

But seriously - watch the video and tell me if you think that the first Katy Perry was actually Katy Perry.

Either way - the real one sang her "screw you, Russel Brand" tribute just days after their divorce was final.  Notice that she didn't sing those lyrics before her 22-million dollars was safe and sound.  Maybe she's not as dumb as Revenge Smurf looks.

I was disappointed that Bon Iver beat out The Band Perry for Best New Artist, especially considering that he has been around for a while.  Soooooo, you get to red shirt the first few years?

Anyway, as crude as it is, did the boys from The Band Perry stuff their pants?  Yeah. I really don't have anything else to say about that.

The Grammy Awards have become a live performance show with the occasional unwelcomed and awkward presentation of awards.  It's like they would rather tweet out a list of winners than waste precious singing time.

And we agree!... unless, of course, we're talking about Nicki Minaj.

Maybe the Mayans were right because I'm pretty sure that I saw the anti-Christ during that performance.  Fifty million people woke up yesterday in need of an exorcism.

And, as always, fashion was a conversation topic after the Grammy Awards.

I could have lived a lifetime without seeing Fergie's see-through dress, but it did teach me something new about the lady who pees herself on stage.  I just never took her for a granny panties kind of girl.

I was so embarrassed for Bruno Mars and Alicia Keys who showed up to the awards wearing the same hairstyle.  What's up with that hair?  I mean - other than the actual hair, of course.

But nobody showed up looking like Lady Gaga who was wearing one of those ab belts on her head.  Sorry but no matter how many crunches your face does, you'll never look exactly like Madonna.

Miranda Lambert was noticeably scared sitting beside Cruella Deville.  They looked like the Wicked Witch and the Good Witch, didn't they?  I think I even saw Gaga whisper, "I'll get you, my pretty. And your drunk redneck, too."