Look. I only speak two languages: English and Redneck. The only Spanish that I know is what I learned from watching Dora the Explorer (Vamonos, Benny!) and I only took French in high school for the food days (J'aime eclaies chocolat!).
But as it turns out, a "MommyPage Ambassador" means that they want to endorse my blog. They will interview me and then post the Q & A on their website and Fabebook page.
|This makes it official.|
And I thought, 'Awwwww! Well, iddenat sweet. Whadda y'all have now, like, 50 readers er sumpin'?' (By the way, that was me speaking Redneck. Impressive, huh?)
So I looked up MommyPage on Facebook and saw that they have over 26,000 LIKES. *cough, cough* Excuse me for a minute. *ahem* I think I just choked on my own ignorance.
Well, HECK YEAH, I'll let you guys pimp me out to over 26,000 people! For that, I might even learn a foreign language. Parlez-vous Redneck?
Truth be told, there for a minute, I felt cooler than I actually am. It's the exact same thing that happens to Christina Aguilera every time she says anything on The Voice.
I was all like, Over 26,000 people are going to see me on Facebook. But then I was all like, OVER 26,000 PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SEE ME ON FACEBOOK?!?
See the difference?
My mind went to a million different places in an instant: What will they ask me? What will I say? Do I have a photo that makes me look skinnier than I actually am? What will people think of me? Will I stumble over my words? Where is the nearest Dunkin Donuts?
I could feel myself crumbling into a big pile of insecurity anxiously awaiting some janitor to come along and sweep me up while humming a Michael Bolton tune.
Then the MommyPage rep said, "The posts and blog are very funny. I can't wait to see your answers."
You know how you feel when somebody says, "Jennifer, you have such style. What are you wearing to the party?" or "Rachel, you are so smart. Do you know what the square root is of 1,578,467,789?" You feel pressure to be stylish or smart, right?
Well, that's the same problem that I've got right now. If they expect me to be funny, then I probably won't be funny in the least. Just like Richard Leigh. Whoever that is.
So wish me luck! If you need me, I'll be sitting around and channeling my inner-funny. I'm going to drown myself in things like Tosh.0, Ellen's tweets and those stupid cat videos on YouTube. A glass of red wine probably wouldn't hurt, either.
P.S. Please be sure to LIKE MommyPage on Facebook. You don't want to miss your opportunity to say how "Christina Aguilera" I acted in my interview.