Suddenly I'm all like, "Does this blog make me look fat? Is this HTML code on straight?" Gah. It's just like middle school all over again.
If I had known that my 20 Things a Mother Should Tell Her Son would be so popular, I would spent more than fifteen minutes writing it. I would have devoted a solid twenty.
But unfortunately, I'm no Nastrablogus. I couldn't predict the future about that post, the Mayans or even what we're having for dinner tonight.
So now, I feel like I went to the grocery store, unshowered, wearing sweats that are too tight and covered in baby spit-up only to bump into the girl who stole my college boyfriend. Who is still a size 2. And beautiful. With freshly highlighted hair and wearing designer clothes without one drop of baby spit-up on them.
That actually happened, by the way.
Anyway, the point is that now I'm feeling a little insecure. If I could increase my blog's fiber and get rid of all the old crap, believe me, I would.
Here's the other thing about writing a post that gets read over 700,000 times in a week, it gets borrowed a lot.
Most people listed my web address on their borrowed post. TOTALLY FINE. Thank you for sharing!
Some people said that they "saw it somewhere on Pinterest". WE WILL ALSO ACCEPT THIS ANSWER. Thank you for sharing!
But I came across a few posts who didn't - like a popular Christian Radio Station who claimed my work as their own - except they cut it down to 18 Things. I guess they thought their listeners wouldn't appreciate the ones about sex or private parts.
I wanted to send them an email that said, 'Hey, y'all. Jesus wouldn't plagerize. Thou shalt not steal my potty humor joke."
But have you picked up on something here? I HATE CONFRONTATION. I'm more scared of it than Kim Kardashian is of marriage counseling. So I didn't.
Sooooo... what inspired my "20 Things" post? Well, I'm glad you asked. It's like you read my mind or something!
I wrote a letter to my children in an attempt to humorously point out the double-standard that still exists even though we say it doesn't. It was supposed to be funny and not an actual heartfelt letter to my children.
Anonymous commented that if I was a good mother, I would've said more to my son than "don't knock up some bimbo".
NOT A GOOD MOTHER? I'd rather be locked in a room for a thousand years with nothing but brussel sprouts and Jonas Brothers music than be called a bad mother.
*Sniff, sniff* * Wiping tear* *Opening Snickers wrapper* 'Pbuwt I vus ema swa.' (Sorry. I shouldn't think with my mouth full.) 'But I love them just the same! Of course I want to say wonderful things to my son, too.'
Then I watched The Notebook. I felt like I needed to get it all out, you know.
By the way, do you know "Anonymous", like, personally? Because I really want to make it up to him/her. Maybe a custom cheese basket or a nice bottle of wine?
I wish that I could say the negative comments don't bother me, but I don't lie on my blog. That much. Besides, I'm not what you'd call a "thick-skinned person". In fact, my skin is so thin that you can determine my blood type just from looking at my forearm.
Kind of makes you wonder why I started a blog in the first place, doesn't it?
But see, that one negative comment inspired me to write "20 Things" because I wanted to give my son some advice, too. Something good CAN come out of having the love for your children questioned!
So bash away. It's cool. I'll wait on you.
I'll probably shed some tears, eat Girl Scout cookies by the sleeve, and read more Nicolas Sparks novels than you can shake a stick at, but you just might inspire me to write. And writing makes me happy.
Thank you, Anonymous.
04/28/12 Update: Thank you to everyone who jumped to my defense and contacted the radio station. They sent me an apology email and have added my name as the author. You guys rock!
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