Friday, April 13, 2012

I'm a Stalker

I stalked myself today and I really creeped me out.  I'm thinking about filing a restraining order against myself, but I don't think it will do any good.  I'm very persistent.

I know it isn't cool to Google yourself, and even worse to admit it on the internet, but I was bored.  And seriously - there's only so much Kim Kardashian that one girl can handle.

I officially started Werdyab Blog in August, 2011 to have a personal, creative outlet.  I never foresaw a time when anybody other than me and my Mom would read it.  But now, I have to assume that a few other people are reading it, too.  That, or my Mom has developed a vicious case of carpal tunnel from hitting the refresh button so many times.  (THANKS, MOM.)

Here are a few of my internet self-stalking finds.  Man, I feel dirty.

I have my own video channel now.  Who knew?  And just to be clear, I've never received one red cent from all that Kodak advertising.  Not even a crappy photo book or an 8x10 glossy of me doing the Roger Rabbit.

I'M INTERNATIONAL.  Parlez-vous Redneck?  You know all those French people were like, 'Look at that stupid American.  Listen to her accent!  Pfft.  I bet she thinks that french fries actually came from France.'  

See how my blog is described as "fun takes on the holidays"?  HEY.  It's their words - not mine.

I wonder who describes my posts about Thanksgiving vomit, Christmas decorating disasters, and Drew forgetting how to breathe on Christmas as "fun takes on the holidays"?  This is probably the same person who can't figure out why Paris Hilton keeps getting passed over for the Pulitzer Prize.

This site re-posts every single post that I post.  Is there an award for saying "post" that many times in one sentence?  No?  Okay... moving on then.  

See the "most wanted FBI criminals" link to this post about my experience at a private Christian college?  Look, guys - it was just a couple of kegs stands and one hunch punch party that went awry.  Okay, two.  But does that warrant the Most Wanted List?  The only thing that I murdered was my good reputation and my ability to hold my head up high in church on Sunday morning.  

On this site, some knucklehead charges you money to watch my MOMday Morning video on embarrassing moments.  DO NOT FALL FOR IT.  You can totally watch this video on YouTube for free.  Or, just stop by my house and we'll walk to the mailbox wearing pajamas LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. 

This website is strictly devoted to embarrassing videos.  See me?  I'm sandwiched between a naked Brazilian guy who passed out while climbing through a window and a couple of morons who spent 8 minutes explaining why their Abraham Lincoln Chia Pet was so awesome.  

Wow.  And I didn't think that anything could embarrass me more than doing The Sprinkler on the World Wide Web. 

Oh, and here's a nice one.  It's a soft porn site designed to showcase hotties.  I told Brian that "we" were listed as "hotties", but then I noticed that this site is all about DUDES.  Brian is the only hottie that they care about in this pic.

Hey, porn peeps - although you have EXCELLENT taste, I'm not cool with sharing my man.  Please find your own hottie.


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