But I'm also a neat freak. I want every closet, cabinet and square-inch of my house to be tidy.
So, uhmm, this presents a problem. Because have you ever seen that episode of Hoarders when the house was completely spotless? No? Me neither.
It's like a serial killer who faints at the sight of blood. Or a Victoria Secret model who loves an all-you-can-eat buffet. Or a Mom who wants to go to the bathroom and pee ALL BY HERSELF. They just don't go together.
Yesterday, I did my weekly organizing of the storage areas.
And you guys are still hanging out by the pool? Pfft. You don't know what fun is until you've organized your old photo albums by year, color and dimension!
That's when I came across my positive pregnancy tests. Of course I saved them. You didn't?
The tests from Bailey are almost 12 years old now. I smiled remembering when a skinny, 25-year-old me took a pregnancy test before going out dancing with my girlfriends. I was so sure that it would be negative that I didn't even look at the result for a half-hour.
Huh? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? (Well, you know what I mean.)
So I decided to read the directions. Maybe two pink lines didn't mean that I was pregnant after all?
The instructions said that I would get the most accurate reading first thing in the morning. Whew! All I have to do is take another test tomorrow and it will be "accurate" and "negative".
Can you say "young" and "stupid"?
So I took another test the next morning. And it wasn't just positive; it was SUPER POSITIVE. The two pink lines were so bright that I had to wear sunglasses to protect my eyes from the blinding glare.
I completely freaked out! I was so scared that I wouldn't be a good mother.
Last night, I laughed holding that test in my hand because being a good mother came so naturally to me. I couldn't believe that I was ever worried about it. Even for a minute.
Then I looked at Drew's positive pregnancy test. I smiled remembering when Brian and I decided to try and have a baby.
By the way, don't you hate it when people tell you that they're "trying to have a baby"? TMI, y'all. Just pour yourselves a glass of wine and turn on the "bow chicka bow wow" music right in front of me, why don'tcha?
So, uhmmm, we had been trying (ahem) to have a baby. On Easter morning, I took a test and it was positive. Thanks, Easter Bunny!
Even "trying" for a baby, I still completely freaked out! How will I ever love another child as much as I love Bailey?
Last night, I laughed holding that test in my hand because my heart didn't divide like I thought it would. Instead, it multiplied so that I could love both my children with my whole heart. I couldn't believe that I was ever worried about it. Even for a minute.
Needless to say, this walk down memory lane lasted longer than a Sex and the City marathon on Lifetime.
I NEEDED TO FIND A BETTER PLACE TO KEEP THESE TESTS. But it was getting late. And I was tired. And that American Idol wasn't going to watch itself, you know.
So I put them in the bathroom drawer for safekeeping until the next day. But the next day happened to include my husband's early morning search for some Q-Tips.
(You see where this is going, don't you?)
When Brian opened the drawer, this is what was in there....
But this is what he saw....
Amanda, wake up. Is everything okay?
Well, everything was fine WHEN I WAS SLEEPING. What's going on?
I was just making sure that everything was okay. Is there anything that you want to tell me?
Can't think of anything.
Nothing? Because, you know, whatever it is, it will be fine.
You can probably fill in the blanks on the rest of that conversation.
If the reality show Punk'd is reading this post, I'VE GOT THE PERFECT PRANK FOR YOU. I'm talking about the stuff that April Fools Day legends are made of.
So if you ever want to scare the crap out of your husband, just let me know and I'll totally let you borrow my positive pregnancy tests. IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT.
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