Friday, November 16, 2012

It's a Twilight Christmas!

While searching the web for Christmas gift ideas, I stumbled upon some interesting Twilight-inspired items that are actually sold.  I know!  I wish I was kidding, too.

Are you looking for the perfect stocking stuffer?  Then you're welcome.    


Have you ever wanted to smell like 500-year old death?  What about a wet dog with great abs?  Duo gift set available for a limited time only.

Complete your Twilight scent collection with this deodorant.  Now your pits can smell just like Bella's pits.  Yay!

This watch will keep perfect time.  For all eternity.

Middle schools can completely eliminate their Sex Education program by handing out this product to students.  Banner reads, "If he tries to sleep with you, he will try to kill you."

Joining the ranks of Superman and Wonder Woman, Twilight Underoos are now available for a limited time only.  Wait.  Is that Edward's face on the inside?  Ewwww.

Who wouldn't want Stephanie Meyer in charge of their dinner party?  On the menu: chicken marsala, creme brulee and A positive blood by the gallon. 

Now your hair can look just like Edward's hair.  HUGE.

Do you equally love teen dramas and luxury automobiles?  Edward does. 

Because nothing says "cool" like Twilight, Chuck Taylors and puff paint. 

Move over, Psycho - there's a new movie in town.  Disclaimer: Shower curtain is not guaranteed to give you glitter skin. 

Available at Hot Topic: Bella's birthday dress.  Perfect to wear with your Converse tennis shoes.  Bella's stutter not included.

Okay, we all know that Cullens are bad drivers, but what about Twi-Moms?  Do you remember when mothers put "my child is an honor roll student" stickers on their minivans?  Yeah, I miss those days, too. 

Get your customized Twilight baking dish today because... well, I have no clue why anybody would want this thing. 

Twilight contacts.  Not included: bite marks transforming you into a tormented, soulless creature.  Warning: Cannot be worn in direct sunlight.