Monday, July 30, 2012

Kristen Stewart cheats on Robert Pattinson

Tsk, tsk, tsk.  Oh, Kristen Stewart.  Why did you have to cheat on Robert Pattinson?  Because now I have to blog about Twilight.  Again.

I'm not a Twilight fan.  I guess it was pretty obvious when I wrote this and suggested these lovely Twilight products as Christmas gifts.

Can't we just agree to disagree?  You call it "Twilight" and I'll call it "Two hours of my life that I'll never get back."

The affair caught me by surprise, though.  I guess I should've known that something was wrong when I saw Kristen Stewart looking so sad... or happy... or confused... or maybe she was blinking.  Really, how can you tell?

Kristen Stewart, 22, admitted to an "indiscretion" with Snow White director, Rupert Sanders, 41.  I haven't seen a photo of him yet, but seriously, with a name like Rupert, how hot can he be?

I think I'll turn to my BFF, Google, for a little help here.

Hold up.

Uhmmm, nevermind.  Not what I expected when I imagined an "older man named Rupert".  Thanks for almost ruining it for me, US Magazine.

Kristen Stewart publicly apologized to R-Patz via People Magazine saying, "I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've cause to those close to me and everyone this has affected.  This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob.  I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry."

Come on - she apologized to People?  Doesn't she have Rob's cell number?  Maybe his email address?

One time somebody broke up with me by asking his best friend to pass a note during 5th period.  I thought it was pretty low.  And I was 12-years-old at the time.

I'm not shocked that Kristen cheated on Rob with her director.

First, she's young Hollywood and all of young Hollywood is stupid.  It's a law, I think.  And second, with acting that bad, how else is she going to land a starring role?

The fact that the story leaked is what shocked me.

Kristen and Rob were able to keep their romantic relationship a secret for years.  And remember those months when we thought they got married but they didn't?

She's obviously lost her touch.  One roll in the hay with Sanders and the whole world was tweeting about it.  Including his wife.

E! reported that Sanders' wife, Liberty Ross, tweeted "Wow." just before shutting down her Twitter account when the affair went public.

Bless her heart.  It must feel awful to know that your husband cheated on you, especially with a bad actress with an annoying stutter and nervous twitch.

So now, thanks to the paparazzi, the whole world knows that Bella was stringing Edward along just like she did Jacob all those years.  I feel like a part of me has died.

At least she finally has an excuse for acting so awkward in public.

I saw this photo of Kristen and Liberty wearing the same dress under the headline "Who wore it better?"


I, for one, don't care who wore it better (*cough, cough* Liberty).  I want to know who wore it second.  Because that's the crazy one.

If it's the wife, she gets a free pass.

When you find out that your husband is cheating, you want to prove that, although you're older (by, like, 7 whole weeks), you're still hotter.  As a woman, I get it, so I won't hold it against her.

It's like a temporary insanity plea if the judge was E!, the jury was the paparazzi, and the victim was a movie director who likes to sleep with women younger than his kids.

But if Kristen wore it second, then shame on you, girl.  You already took her man and now you want to take her designer, too?  GASP.  She'll have nothing left!

I've read a couple of articles about the affair, I'm extremely embarrassed to report.

My first thought when I read about how this might negatively affect the next Twilight movie was, 'Wait.  THERE'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER TWILIGHT MOVIE?  Seriously?  How many are there, like , 47?'

No comments from Rob Pattinson except that he needs privacy to sort everything out.  

I guess in Rob's world, "privacy" means "hanging out with Katy Perry".   I think it's considered the universal translation at this point.

The Daily Star reported that Rob was a "rock" for Katy when she split up with Russell Brand.  Katy said that she was returning the favor.  She wanted to give Rob a shoulder to cry on.

How long do you think it will be before she's offering up additional body parts?

Although sources say that Rob and Katy are not an item, rumor has it that she changed her song lyrics to "I kissed a vamp and I liked it."  Seems pretty suspicious to me.

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  1. So far I've yet to lay my eyes on even 2 minutes of a Twilight movie...and I'm going to do my best to keep it that way.
    As for Rob, he will always be Cedric to me, and Im not ruining Harry Potter for myself. Cedric is dead.He should have stayed that way.

    1. The movies suck, but then something magical happens to me during the last 5 minutes, where I'm actually interested in watching the next flick. I think there's crack in the credits. :)

  2. I love your posts. I love the picture of Chris Hemsworth in your post almost as much. The rest of Who cares?

  3. I have to stop holding out hope these Hollywood marriages will last... it keeps breaking my heart. NOT!

  4. I just love this! For a few reasons...Twilight makes me want to throw up in my mouth a bit, and so doesn't the sight of Kristin. I don't get what the big deal is about her. I won't lie, I tried REALLY hard to buy into all of the hype...but just couldn't do it! I miss the days of Justin and Britney young love on TRL!

    1. I tried too. I want to be a Twihard like all my friends, but I just can't. You made me laugh with your Justin and Britney reference... I was definitely all about them back in the day. That Cry Me A River video almost made me cry a river. ;)

  5. this is hilarious! Who CARES about all this hoo-ha?!

    1. Apparently everybody. But luckily for Rob and Kristen, the whole Chick-Fil-A thing made us completely forget about their little love triangle.

  6. I somehow came across your blog...Oh man, i am loving it! I am LOL...

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