Wordless Wednesday: #EllensDanceDare at Disney

Sorry I've missed the last couple of Wordless Wednesdays.  I guess vacationing will do that to a blog.

This Wordless Wednesday pic also serves as a teaser for a video that I'll edit before the Zombie Apocalypse, probably. 

Have you ever seen Ellen's Dance Dare videos?  If not, please go to her YouTube channel immediately.  Don't worry, we'll wait on you. 

Oh my gosh, aren't they hilarious?  

I've been known to bust a move in public a time or two (or fifty, whatevs), so watching these videos made me feel like I was home. 

But unfortunately for my family, while we were on our way to Disney World, and about 20,000 feet in the air somewhere between Atlanta and Orlando, I thought, 'HEY, I want to make an #ellensdancedare video, too!'  

(You see where I'm going with this, don't you?)

So while we were at Disney World, I dance dared every single character that we met.  All of them.  When Winnie the Pooh saw me grinding behind Tigger, I think he poohed his pants a little.  

Merida from Brave was the first princess/ real person/ someone not dressed like a giant stuffed animal/ saying actual words/ pretty girl that we met.  Drew was smitten.  

"What is your name, young man?", she said in her perfect Scottish accent.  Drew looked up with those big brown eyes, smiled and said, "Andrew...." 

Even though I totally killed his mojo, I had to laugh because we have never called him Andrew, not even once.

In fact, when he was 3 months old, I sat in the pediatrician's office waiting room while the nurse yelled "Andrew?... Andrew!" at least 15 times before I finally realized that she was talking about Drew.  Ahem.  

Drew really wanted to impress this Scottish beauty.  Too bad I had to #ellensdancedare her.  Bless his little heart.  

Listen, son, a cool name like Andrew doesn't help you when you've got an uncool mom like me.  It's best if you learn that now.  

There's more where that came from!  Check back next week (probably) for my Disney Dance Dare video!  I promise you'll never look at Mickey Mouse the same way again.

Oh, and while you're here, would you like to cast a vote for Werdyab Blog?  You would?  Man, you rock! 

All you have to do is click on the creepy little cartoon face.  Top Mommy Blogs tracks all the hits coming from my web address, so one click = one vote.  Thank you!

Wordless Wednesday: I Gave Birth to David Beckham

Okay, I need to get something off my chest here:  THAT'S A LIE.

I didn't give birth to David Beckham.  I'm pretty sure that it's mathematically impossible, and if it was true, I would have totally bragged about it before now.

But I might have given birth to the NEXT David Beckham.

Why?

Well, for one, my son's really cute.

He's always hangin' with celebs.

He knows how to enjoy the finer things in life.

He's got killer abs.

And (ahem) he's a soccer prodigy.  You know, in the very humble, unbiased opinion of said prodigy's mother.

Drew's first soccer game was on Saturday and he loved it!

He even talked a big game at the big game.



Please note that Drew was never asked to stand beside his coach and taunt the other players; he just did it anyway.

And, sure, okay, so Drew didn't quite "bring it" as much as promised.  But in his defense (no pun intended), Morgan is two years older and she REALLY IS the next David Beckham.  Or, Davidina Beckham?  At any rate, that girl can play some soccer!

All the parents nominated Drew to be the team captain, so I nominated Morgan to be the team coach.  It's a match made in soccer heaven.

Look out, David and Victoria!  There's a new game in town called Drew and Morgan.  US Weekly is going to eat up Drewgan!

Before you go, would you please click on the banner below to register one vote for Werdyab Blog?  I really need to keep this blog going, you know, until Drew and Morgan become international soccer stars...  

  

Wordless Wednesday: Another One Bites The Dust

Remember in my skating post, how Laura and Amy had the Eye Of The Tiger when it came to fancy skating tricks?

They tried to convince me that I wouldn't be Crusin' For A Bruisin if I joined them, but I said, "I'm too Old And Wise to try that!  And if I fall, it won't Hurt So Good when I'm Breaking In Two, if you know what I mean."

But they said, "Uhmmm... Hello?!  You can do it!  Come on, Everybody Have Fun Tonight!"

I guess sometimes you gotta be Cruel To Be Kind.

So Here I Go Again, acting 17 instead of 37.  One Thing Leads To Another, and this thing led to me Free Fallin' on my butt.  But don't worry, I'm Alright.

Save A Prayer because I'm definitely trying this again next time.  I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, which is roller skating redemption (Call me, Tosh).  Then I'll be Back In The High Life Again...   

Two people AND TWO PEOPLE ONLY look extremely cool in this pic.  Ahem.  

Are you into Twitter?  To be honest, I'm more of a Facebook girl, so Twitter feels like a foreign country to me - I don't speak the language and I'm a little scared to drink the water, but I'm trying to get more involved.  Are you a tweeter?  Yay!  Well, do you want to follow me?  I should probably warn you that I'm really bad with directions and we'll probably be late.

Wordless Wednesday: I'mma Ho

Amanda Hohenbery.  That's a unique name, right?

Hohenbery isn't a name that you hear everyday, as in, my husband and his family are the only people that I've ever heard of with that name, ever.

So here's the thing about having an unusual name: people screw it up a lot.

Can't spell it.  Can't pronounce it.  Can't say it.

Here's the other thing about having an unusual name: I'm super Google-able.  Type "Amanda Hohenbery" and you won't find thousands of different people all across the country.  You'll find me.

But the upside of having a unique name is that it's a never-ending source of entertainment for me.

A couple of months ago, my sister checked the UPS website to see who signed for a package here at our office.  It was "A. Hornybaby".

And needless to say, my husband will only allow me to ship FedEx now.  Ahem. 

Then there was the time when both my first and last names were misspelled on my award.  Hey, there should really be an award for that.

And yesterday, when I went to eat lunch with Bailey at her school, some idiot misspelled my name on my lunch pass.  And that idiot was me.

After I noticed my accidental typo, I wished that I'd been smart enough to do it on purpose for this post.  But thankfully, the idiot blogger gods smiled upon me that day...

But the name Hohenbery never provides me with more entertainment than when I pick up a prescription at CVS.  I guess it's better to be a ho waiting than a ho picked up?

Geez, y'all.  I mean, I know my skirt is a little tighter than it should be, but did you have to call me out like that?  And if you're going to advertise it, you could have at least used a sexier font, or glitter.

I guess it's official: I'mma ho.  And now, it's kind of hard for me to argue that it's just rumor.  

Speaking of being a ho (ahem), I hate blog rankings where you have to constantly ask people to vote for you.  But until they figure out a way to rank me based on Dance Walking or poop stories, would you please vote for me?  C'mon, y'all - don't make me go back to my pimp and tell him that I didn't get any votes today.

All you have to do is click on the creepy little cartoon face.  Top Mommy Blogs tracks all the traffic from my web address, so one click = one vote.  It's that easy.  heh, heh.  Get it?  Easy.  Now go vote and help get a working girl off the streets!

Wordless Wednesday: Never Play With Knives

I've been talking a lot about back-to-school lately because, well, it's that time of year.  And unfortunately, this Wordless Wednesday post will be no exception (Sorry.).  But I promise to break up the monotony soon with a good public humiliation or poop story or something.

Remember my friend Kim who's stellar photography skills captured last week's misspelled Krystal sign?  Well, she's at it again, folks.  Forget the paparazzi!  I think we should start incorporating the word "Kimarazzi" into our vocabulary immediately.

Check out this photo that she snagged at our local Wally World this week.

Timmy's School Supply List, 2nd Grade

1. #2 pencils
2. Crayons
3. Tablet paper
4. Glue
5. Safety Scissors 
6. Carving knife

Makes perfect sense to me.

What's especially ironic about this is how many times mothers have told their children, "Don't play with knives!"

In fact, that's one of the many life lessons that my mother taught me that I wish I'd paid a little more attention to.  The others involve not doing things to embarrass yourself in public, but I guess that goes without saying. 

Several years back, I was cooking dinner for a group of friends.  When it came time to chop the onion, I wanted to impress everyone with my amazing, lightning-quick, as-seen-on-TV chopping skills.  Next thing you know, I chopped a little piece of finger into the onions and then I passed out cold onto the hardwood floor.  Uhmmm, dinner is served?

Don't worry.  Aside from a moderate finger slice, the only thing that I injured was my pride.  

Needless to say, the new host of the dinner club became known as "Anybody but Amanda."  Ahem.  

Hey, do I know how to get out of cooking or do I know how to get out of cooking?  

Did all this talk about Walmart put you in the mood for some music?  It did?  Well, whaddaya know!  I just so happen to have the perfect thing.
Click the player
<=============   here
to hear my original song about Walmart.  

Wordless Wednesday: Now Hiring Spell Check

Many bloggers do a weekly segment called Wordless Wednesday.

Because sometimes there's a photo or video that we'd like to share, but we really don't have anything to say about it.  And we don't just give away blog real estate like that.  We take that crap very seriously.

I've hesitated about adding "Wordless Wednesday" because it's not an original idea.  Actually, it might be the most unoriginal thing on my blog.  Well, except for all those Charlie Sheen jokes.  I mean, seriously, nobody can help that.

But guess what?  I drive a black SUV, I wear Uggs, and I go to Starbucks every morning for a latte. If there was an award for originality, I would have lost it a long time ago.

And, as you know, I'm clearly working at a disadvantage here.  "Amanda" and "wordless" just don't belong in the same sentence.

I could talk to a wall for longer than Tom Hanks talked to Wilson in Cast Away, if you double-dog-dared me to.  In fact, you wouldn't even have to dare me.  I'd volunteer if I was bored enough.

So instead of "Wordless Wednesday", maybe we should call it "Slightly Shorter Than My Average Novel-Length Post Wednesday".  How's that for a compromise?

My friend, Kim, posted this photo on Facebook yesterday.

Gosh, I love grammar humor, don't you?  Not as much as bathroom humor, but definitively more than slapstick humor.

So I chuckled, clicked "like", and moved on to the rest of my news feed.  I was really anxious to see what everybody was eating for dinner and/or read some funny e-cards.

My friend Tammy shared Kim's photo later that day, but this time, I noticed something new.

I'm not sure why - I mean, it might have been because Tammy flat out said that it was our town, so then I noticed all the familiar shops and restaurants in the background - but suddenly, it hit me, HEY, THAT'S OUR TOWN!

Needless to say, my detective skills are stellar.

I actually ate at that Krystal last Thursday.  That's my pharmacy in the background.  And I used to love that Mrs. Winners, but now that it's a Title Max, I bet the chicken isn't as good.  Oh, and the house that I grew up in is a 2-mile hike from there.

THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.

Be sure to check back next Wednesday for more Wordless Wednesday fun.  I'll try to keep my wordlessness to a 1,000 word minimum.  


Oh, and while you're here, have you liked me on Facebook yet?  No?  Well, uh... this is awkward.  Do you want to?  Check one: [] Yes [] No [] Maybe.

Seriously, will you like me?  Pretty please?  I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HAVING FOR DINNER.  Your funny e-cards will just be a bonus.